Getting Ready!!

 What's up everybody! Sorry for not posting in a while now, hahahaha! I've been doing better-ish...? Idk!!! Anyways, I've been really nervous lately! I'll be having my last entrance exam in 4 days!!!!! AHHH!!!!!! This entrance exam will be my HARDEST ENTRANCE EXAM YET!!!! The school is very known to be full of smarties and only a few people could get in. I've been wishing to become a student here since I was 6th grade. This will be my LAST CHANCE to get accepted!!!!!! I already tried getting accepted through achievements, but they declined. For the next 3 days, I will be studying really really hard so that I get accepted there. Please, wish me luck!!!!!!!!! 

(sorry if this post is shorter than my usual posts, Im just really sleepy right nowwww eueueue okay goodnight!! (￣﹃￣))

Doomed Tomorrow (TW: vent, sh, mentions of suicide)

(last warning)

 I can't take it anymore I CANT!!!! Im crying really loudly in my room right now. I dont know if my family could hear me... I hope they dont. Ive been having really bad thoughts again. The school year just started and Im already feeling like I couldnt  make it. The school im currently in right now really just took a huge toll on my mental health ever since I got here. This school was the very reason I actually started having thoughts of harming myself. Even worse, I would have thoughts of killing myself all together. I dont know. I dont want to do any of those though, since Im religious. I could go to hell simply just because I choose to end my own life. But the thoughts wont go away. Im so scared of my future. I dont know if Ill ever be as happy as everyone around me. I hate the thought of not dying happy. I can kind of see why some people arent even interested in talking to me anymore. I always blame everything and everyone around me for everything bad that has happened to me. I do this because I just cant accept the fact that it was MY doing. Because if its my doing, I could simply just stop, right?!? WHY CANT I JUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!?!?! I always feel as if I dont deserve all the love I get from the people around me. I only make things worse. I can and SHOULD change but for some reason I just cant. I hate it here at this school. I just want to graduate in peace. I dont need to do dozens of intricate projects that end up being useless in the end. All it did was waste my time and gets me even more tired. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate this school so much. I hope it shuts down. I hope it explodes. I hope it goes in flames. 

okay sorry about that guys!!!!! I swear i wont post stuff like this again (ノへ￣、)

Emotional Rollercoaster!!!!! (rant)

Ooooooh my god... today was.... something!!! That's for sure!!! Todays was uhm, very exciting to say the least. I had sooo many things happen today I don't even know where to begin lol?! Okay wait maybe I do g-g-g-gulps...

    Okay, so first, I had an entrance exam this morning. The school I went to was really REALLY REALLY BIG. LIKE REALLY BIG. IT WAS SO HUGE IM NOT KIDDING!!! It's an Islamic school. If some of you know me well, you might think "An Islamic school?! I thought you didn't like religion-based schools!" And you're right! I do NOT like religion-based schools. But this one isn't as 'traditional' as other Islamic schools I've seen. They even wear short skirts (well its actually like shorts to be honest)!! The thing I don't really like about Islamic schools is that I NEED to wear a hijab. I'm not saying that I don't like hijabs (I actually think it's really pretty!), It's just doesn't suite me. It really changes how I look  .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.  I am also not going to commit myself to wear a hijab. The exam itself is actually pretty easy! Most of the questions were really simple. I also enjoyed being in the school itself!! It was really nice.

    Now, the next thing is.... surely something...! So, you see... my school is going to take school photos for my graduation. "Oh, but Adrie, what's so wrong about taking photos?" dress codes. I fucking HATE the dress code. Guess what style I have to do. I HAVE TO DRESS INDIE. INDIE. REALLY?! ARE REALLY GOING TO MAKE ME WEAR A STYLE THAT DOESNT EVEN SUITE ME!? Look... I don't hate the indie style itself. I also have no problems with people who dress indie! The thing is, I DO NOT SUITE IT AT ALL. I dislike looking too 'basic' you could say. I love wearing outfits that are full of color and wearing lots of accessories. Looking basic is what I tend to move away from. The thing that really made me upset today was trying to make an indie outfit. I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR 3 HOURS. Guess what I did.  I bawled. I bawled my eyes out. Like, for an hour straight. I JUST CANT. The tips my mom gave me just made me want to bawl my eyes out even more. I dont like wearing baggy clothes/big jackets because I don't want to look 'big'. Like, I like clothes that show off how my body looks. Wearing baggy clothes make me look shorter than I am (just so you know, I'm still searching for it right now). I wish they'd just let me wear what I want. Uhm go off I guess!

    The last thing I want to talk about is my dinner tonight. I forgot to tell you but, today is my parent's wedding anniversary! So, we all went to eat out together at a fancy restaurant. The food there was good! I ate a steak and some fries yummmm yummy. Actually, I don't really have anything else to tell you about today so... SEE YOU SOON!!!! BYE!!!

LOGGING OFF! -Adrie

Welcome to My Blog! (+ about my day)

     Hello, everyone! Recently, I've been even busier than normal ughhhhhhhh!!! I'm currently on my last semester of junior high and it's honestly pretty exhausting （；´д｀）ゞ. Anyways, I might not be on social media for a while due to all the projects I have to do. I won't post a bunch of art, and I probably wouldn't be chatting you guys on instagram/twitter/tiktok for now. I might not post there, but I will post here! I will be updating you guys on my progress here!!! I will be talking about my studies, progress on projects, and also some vents (?). I hope you guys don't mind! I'll upload on random so keep an eye out!!!!

    Now that I have talked about the blog, I should start talking about today! Today I was BOMBARDED with tasks. So far, the projects I have to finish are a background for my scientific report, preparing for a debate, making a STEAM project, and make a social science presentation. THATS SOOO MANY!!!!! Not to mention, I have an upcoming entrance exam test for highschool in 2 days! I actually applied for 2 different schooBut instead ofls. The second school is A LOT harder to get into. The entrance exam for that school is on the 2nd of February EEEKKKK!!!!!!! I really need to study hard for it. I heard lots of the graduates there are really, REALLY smart! My school decided that other than a horrific scientific report, I also have to do EXAMS!!!!! ughhhhhh school is so terrible sometimes.

    But instead of worrying and doing nothing, I WILL TRY MY BEST ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ!!!! I've been liking myself more lately. I used to be suuuper insecure but now I don't really care! Since it's the last semester, that means I can leave my horrible school soon! I really loved the friends I made here but the school's system and curriculum are just NOT it. I'm going to start studying now, I'll update about tomorrow probably!

LOGGING OUT! -Adrie