(last warning)
I can't take it anymore I CANT!!!! Im crying really loudly in my room right now. I dont know if my family could hear me... I hope they dont. Ive been having really bad thoughts again. The school year just started and Im already feeling like I couldnt make it. The school im currently in right now really just took a huge toll on my mental health ever since I got here. This school was the very reason I actually started having thoughts of harming myself. Even worse, I would have thoughts of killing myself all together. I dont know. I dont want to do any of those though, since Im religious. I could go to hell simply just because I choose to end my own life. But the thoughts wont go away. Im so scared of my future. I dont know if Ill ever be as happy as everyone around me. I hate the thought of not dying happy. I can kind of see why some people arent even interested in talking to me anymore. I always blame everything and everyone around me for everything bad that has happened to me. I do this because I just cant accept the fact that it was MY doing. Because if its my doing, I could simply just stop, right?!? WHY CANT I JUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!?!?! I always feel as if I dont deserve all the love I get from the people around me. I only make things worse. I can and SHOULD change but for some reason I just cant. I hate it here at this school. I just want to graduate in peace. I dont need to do dozens of intricate projects that end up being useless in the end. All it did was waste my time and gets me even more tired. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate this school so much. I hope it shuts down. I hope it explodes. I hope it goes in flames.
okay sorry about that guys!!!!! I swear i wont post stuff like this again (ノへ￣、)
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